Full of Whit

It’s about love

It’s about love.

If you ask me what one thing life is about, that’s the only answer I think really hits it.  There are endless ways to express it, endless right answers - but they all come back to love.

And how about this: If you’re living your love, or trying to, I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong or stand in your way.  Nobody else should either. 

I might not love the same way you do, or love the same people you do.  I might not get it.  But the world can’t be worse off just because there are more varieties of love out there.  To my mind, that can only make it better, can only make us all better. 

My heart hurts this week for people whose state just told them their love isn’t legit (and for people whose families, friends, state, country, church, and work have previously told them the same thing), but I’m proud of the dialogue that’s happening in the opposite direction.  I’m proud of all the people who have openly said yes to love, variety and grace.  I’m proud of people who understand that there are as many ways to live this life as there are people living it, and that none of us has a lock on all the answers.

I’m praying this week not just for open minds, but also for open hearts.  And I’m sending lots of love to everyone I know whose heart is caught up in this rollercoaster of pain and pride.

Win like a Woman

I had an incredible day today.  One part of the day involved hearing the history of the arts in Jacksonville, and being absolutely blown away.  The part that blew me away wasn’t the past history, though - it was the current, history-making part. Specifically, Al Letson.

Do you know who Al Letson is? 

When I heard his name, I knew I had heard it before, but I couldn’t place him.  Now I can.  And I think I have a crush on him.

Al is the host of NPR’s State of the Reunion.  As he described it, the show is about traveling the country to talk with people who are connecting within communities.  It’s about the part you don’t see on the evening news.  It’s the good news.  And it doesn’t sound like it’s rare or hard to find.

I love that.  I’m so annoyed with the sensationalized news that I won’t watch the TV news anymore.  Not at all.  Makes me cringe (from the depressing content right on through to the crappy production).  And I know it’s not the world I experience everyday - so why color my perception with bad news?  My world is full of good people, trying hard, loving deeply, working to make things better than they found them.  I like it that way. 

But let me tell you what I love, love, loved about Al Letson today.  He was on a panel of local artists, and someone in the audience asked him to perform a poem for us.  

…

It was 10 a.m.

We weren’t in a “poetry reading” context.  He wasn’t there to perform.

The poor man was supposed to be sitting on a panel talking about the importance of the arts.  We’d put him on the spot.  I felt nothing but awkward for him, for all of us.

But, God bless him, he did the good-natured hem-and-haw for 0.5 seconds, and then stood.  He took the microphone, stepped up a bit, completely comfortable in his skin, and went for it. …

In the end, I can’t think of a better way to have conveyed the importance of the arts.

….

This confident, cool man took a breath, a step, and suddenly became a skinny, insecure, unathletic teenager.  As he was learning to play tennis, his p.e. teacher told him he played like a girl.  He wished Venus Williams into existence, willed her to crush his p.e. teacher into a sniveling ball on the court, all on his behalf.  He exalted in his dreamed reality of lording that girl’s ability over his teacher.  And then, as an adult, he saw that same comment directed at his baby daughter.  She plays like a girl.  They meant it as an insult (and one that cuts the soul a bit more deeply for a girl than for a boy), but by God, it’s an invocation.  Baby, they’ll tell you you play like a girl.  Show them you WIN.  Like a WOMAN. 

…

That’s sticking with me tonight.  I suspect it will for a long while.  [And hence, my high estimation of the value of experiencing Letson’s poetry, or any art that strike a chord, versus just the panel discussing the value of the arts.]

There’s something about the women I know and love.  They’re tenacious.  They love hard, deeply, fiercely.  They know their strengths, and they will lay waste to any opposition with those strengths.  They also know what they’re really here for, so they know when to bow out gracefully; when the work won’t be worth the reward.  They screw up sometimes - some big, some small.  But they forgive, learn, grow - and often most important - they know how to laugh.  They know the goal isn’t perfection; the goal is love.  The women I know and love are incredible, even in their normal, everyday lives. 

Try telling any of them that they play like girls. 

If you’re lucky, they’ll take it as a compliment and move on.

If you’re not, you’ll end up like Letson’s p.e. teacher - balled up on the ground, begging for mercy. 

My women, the ones I know, they WIN like WOMEN.

Puddles & Dirt Piles

A friend posted a picture on Facebook yesterday - it has her daughter and two other kids standing on top of a pile of dirt, holding shovels and looking like they’re having the best time EVER.  Caption: Our kids play in the dirt…That’s the way it should be!

Do you remember the sheer joy of getting your hands muddy while building a sand castle, or being soaked from head to toe because you were splashing in puddles or playing in the sprinklers?

What’s your equivalent to that kind of joy today?  Do you have it?

I’ll be the first to confess - I often feel like I’m too far removed from muddy-hands me.  If I’m in the pool, I usually don’t want to get my hair wet, and I don’t want to be splashed.  Even when I’m in play clothes, I walk around the puddles, rather than making a gleeful splash.  I don’t dig around in the dirt just to see what kind of weird bugs I might find, and I don’t end up with dinner all over my face because I was so excited about my food that I couldn’t contain myself. 

But sometimes, I remember.  To hell with the extra laundry, and the wet hair and the dirt under my fingernails.  Sometimes, I make a splash…and it feels amazing.

I need to do that more often.  How about you?  When was the last time you splashed around in your life?  What did you do?

Wishing each of you a splashy, messy, joyful day!

Whit

Sunday gut check

This Sunday, our Pastor gave me (and probably everyone else in the building) a gut check.  It’s actually a question I’ve been mulling over for a while, but I hadn’t put quite such a fine point on it - even though it seems so obvious a question.

What’s your calling?

Well holy hell.

No, really - Whit, what’s your calling?  No way to get around the question.  You don’t get to say you don’t have one.  God put you here.  He chose you to be on this earth, and he gave you a particular set of skills, deficits, quirks and insights.  Have you figured out why you are you?

Nope.  But I’m working on it.  Where’s the answer key?  Where’s the map?  Do I have some sort of tag on my backside that reveals the secret?  If only…

God, I’m looking.  I’m feeling my way through this life, and I’m trying to see the way.  If you’re the light unto my path, I’m trying to turn off all the other lights so I can see yours.  It’s like trying to see the stars in the middle of a city, though.  I know they’re there.  But I’ve got to drive a bit out of the way to see them.  God, please just make sure I’ve got enough gas in the car to get to the dark night skies.  And give me a clear night when I get there. 

After all, there aren’t many things more glorious than lying on a dock in the middle of nowhere, looking up at a clear sky full of stars.

Teach them to fly…

I bought a new sound system recently, so I’ve spent a fair amount of time since then with music on in the background (often pretty loudly - I love loud music).  Tonight, the lyric jumping out at me is from Dave Matthews. 

You and me, together, we could do anything baby…and when the kids are older, we’re gonna teach them to fly.

Great song, all the way through.  (Unfortunate that Pandora won’t let you repeat a song, isn’t it?)  I love that take on life.  Anything is possible, particularly when you find people who make you better than you were on your own.

I tend to think very independently about what’s possible.  What am I capable of?  What do I want?  It’s like I think including my family saps some of that energy and strength.  But really, they only build me up.  I hope I build them up too.

Because you and me, together, we could do anything baby.  And my kids already think they know how to fly.  Maybe they can teach me a thing or two.

The WHY

A friend recently told me that he thinks there are lots of “us” (attorneys/other professionals/business folks in their 30s) who are trying to figure out what we want to be when we grow up.  I think he’s right (I know it, actually).

I also think we’re asking the wrong question. 

Forget about what you want to be.  Focus on the why. 

[Yes - it’s scary, it’s challenging, and it’s thrilling, all at once.  All the best things are.]

The big little things

I didn’t make any “formal” resolutions this year.  But I did take some time alone before the end of 2011 to really think about what my body and soul need, and what my family, friends and work need from me.  It’s little stuff, but also big - as is so much of what really matters in life.

As I kick off the year with new daily routines (some of which are really just tiny changes to my old routines), I’m pleasantly surprised at how big (and sometimes unexpected) the impact of those little things can be. 

I love that taking 10 minutes at night to clear the clutter from my head and pour out whatever’s in my heart leaves me feeling physically different: more clear, focused, free in mind and body. 

I’m amazed at the fact that mindfully feeding my body healthy foods fuels my body and also builds my willpower for non-food decisions.

My favorite “resolution” so far, though, is the commitment to give my family my attention when we are together and to make a point of having fun together every day.  Writing that one down, recognizing it as a priority, and committing to honor that priority has already made a huge difference in my mind set and my stress level.  When I practice that commitment, I’m giving myself permission to focus only on my family.  I’m giving myself permission to let the dishes and the laundry and the email wait - because bed time is coming soon and there are trucks and baby dolls and kittens to play with.  (Note that permission and practice are two different things, but I’m working on it!)

With all of these priorities, I’m giving myself permission to live my most important moments first.  Even better, I’m committed to it.

Commencement

I feel a bit like a new graduate this week - like I’ve just graduated from 2011, and all the ritual around the ending of one year and the beginning of the new year is a kind of commencement ceremony.  Graduation and commencement are both really appropriate words for it - a new beginning, on to bigger (and hopefully better!) things. 

My wishes for me, and for you, in this new year:

Bigger love, bigger life, bigger joy, bigger grace. 

Bigger laughs, bigger smiles, bigger hugs. 

Bigger dreams, too.

My name is Whitney, and I’m interesting (!)

A good friend of mine from law school gave me the coolest compliment today.  He said I have “always been interesting.”  Before I even had time to wonder exactly what he meant by that, he followed it up with the recognition that it probably sounded like an awkward comment, but was meant as a compliment. 

I’m no stranger to making awkward comments.  Sometimes it almost feels like a hobby of mine (along with cringeing after the fact!).  But this one didn’t seem awkward to me - not in the least.  Interesting is exactly the sort of thing I hope people will say about me long after I’m gone (along with a few other things - like loving, generous, joyful, irreverent….).  So, thanks for the compliment!

At any rate, that friend and his wife (also a law school friend) are expecting their second baby girl soon.  I’m praying for them today (and this week), and tossing the “interesting” ball right back in their court.

God, be with Baby K and her whole family.  Make her strong and healthy, and let her know how much you and her family love her.  Never let her doubt that love.  Guide her life to be interesting, in all the best ways possible.  Remind her that her life is a big adventure, and that you’ve created this world to be a fantastic, beautiful playground for her.  Give her (and all of us) the guts, the faith, the peace we need to live fully in you.  And let her mom and dad get lots of sleep!  Amen.

Here comes 2012

Around Thanksgiving, I started thinking about starting to plan for 2012…a very effective technique for getting nothing done. 

Today, it occurred to me that there is very little time to plan for 2012 before the calendar flips (does anyone actually flip a paper calendar anymore?).  [I realize there’s no hard-and-fast January 1 deadline at play here, but I’m a born procrastinator - so even a fake deadline helps me get moving.]  So much for thinking about thinking ahead!

Between now and January 1, I’m carving out some time to get quiet, get all of the ideas out of my head and onto paper, and then get honest about what I really want for myself (and my family) in 2012. 

If anyone else is in the goal-setting state of mind (or isn’t, but needs to be), and wants a partner in crime, drop me a line.